"Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."
Titus 2:3-5 (NIV)
God did not intend for us to go about life on our own. He desires for us to encourage and lift each other up. And although we are given such a special oneness with our spouses, there is just nothing that can replace a friend of the same gender. My girlfriends, especially those who have gone through stages before me, are my greatest cheerleaders. They are the ones who have loved me when my eyes were smeared with black mascara because I was a wreck with my first born: the one who never stopped crying. They have been living examples of Jesus for me and I am so thankful for the legacy they are leaving in my life.
I have one near and dear sister in Christ who has been a mentor to me and many others. To me, she is the crown jewel of mothers. Not because she is perfect, but because she is determined to allow God to use motherhood to "push out her sin." It is my favorite saying of hers that I have passed on to other mothers as well. So, today, I am going to loan her sweet heart to all of you. She IS my Titus 2 woman. After reading her words, you will understand why I just adore every ounce of her. Enjoy this special treat from my friend :
June 17, 2009 Pressing Out the Selfishness
About three years ago, when I had a nearly three year old and a 14 month old, I was sitting in a bible study of mostly women older than me. Most of them had passed the mothering young children stage and had either children in college or early twenties, or were grandmothers. Even though I was almost three years into my mothering experience, it still seemed new and fresh. I had completed the first year of having two kids, under the age of three. Having one child was a cakewalk compared to having to balance and adjust life to two kids, not to mention my nearly three year old was a difficult one at best.
At some point during the discussion, I can’t even recall the topic now, I made an off handed comment about how parenting is God’s way of pressing the selfishness out of you. I laughed as I said it, but one of the ladies there, probably around 50ish, just loved the statement. So much in fact that she wrote it down. Imagine, I said something profound, when really it was just my state of life – an internal war going on within me. A war between what I wanted, and what my babies wanted. I wanted quiet, they were loud. I wanted rest, they were playful. I wanted my nearly three year old daughter to stop hitting her sister, and well, you can guess what she wanted. I wanted to read my email, and they wanted to bang their little fingers on the computer keyboard messing up any attempt at what I was doing. I wanted to eat cookies, but they wanted one too. I wanted to have long lunches with friends, but they would not sit still long enough. I wanted to have uninterrupted conversations with my husband, but they were constantly diverting our attention from each other because they wanted the attention.
I now have three kids, ages 2, 4 and 6 (btw - my difficult three year old turned out to be a real gem). I also have one on the way, due in November. Through the constant needs and demands of three small children, God had indeed continued to press out the selfishness. He is refining me by the fire, so to speak. He has made me practice the art daily, hourly, sometimes by the second. He has shown me how to serve others, how to love the little ones, but not at the expense of meeting my own needs, or developing my own relationship with Him. He certainly does not call us to be a doormat. I expand on this topic in another post.
Yes, God’s way of pressing out the selfishness. God’s way of teaching the ultimate lesson that Jesus teaches us – lay down your life. Serve others. Love others above yourself. Hmmm…is that a lesson I wanted to learn? Am I being called to lay down every part of me that make me myself just to raise my kids? Well, yes…..but in the process, I have become more of who I actually am. More of who I want to be, and more of who God created me to be. Lay down your life, know God more and come more fully into yourself….interesting concept and completely contradictory to what the world teaches.
Part of developing a deeper relationship with Christ is letting go and allowing the selfishness to be pressed out. Hanging on to that selfishness, while it might seem easier in the moment, is indeed harder and ultimately, more frustrating in the long run. More of You, less of me. You increase, I decrease. Christ was the ultimate servant, and if we call ourselves Christians, our life’s work should be to imitate what he has done…lay down our lives.
But we fight it. Oh we fight it. I want what I want, when I want it. I want quiet. I want to not be interrupted. I want a clean kitchen. I want my children to always behave in public and not embarrass me. I want accolades for a job well done. I want to sleep late, to take a nap, to watch anything I want on TV. Did I mention I want quiet? I want to drive in the car without answering 1000 questions between here and the grocery store. I want to shop alone!
But I also want to know God. I also want to become more like Jesus. I also want pure joy in my life, regardless of my circumstances. I want to leave a legacy of faith throughout generations, I want to stand before the throne of God and hear “well done good and faithful servant.” I want my children to know Jesus and to live a life glorifying to Him. I want, more than anything, to know Him, because I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that knowing Him is the purpose of my life.
Do I get to have perfect kids, a clean kitchen, a quiet home and still get to know the Creator of the Universe in the way that I want to know him? Is it possible to live a comfortable and easy life, be as selfish as I want, and still truly and deeply know Him?
Anything’s possible, but in this moment, in my life, I know the daily task of raising my children is actively pressing out the very thing that keeps me from the Lord…my own self. My own selfish desires. If the opposite of loving God is loving yourself, then it makes perfect sense that He calls us to press out that which keeps us from him. And what a beautiful plan God has to make that happen – our little ones.
People have very mixed reactions to us having a fourth child. Some are elated, most don’t understand and some show flat out disdain. But with each child, a little bit more selfishness is pressed out on a daily basis (and yet somehow there is always more to be pressed!) But you know what’s left to replace it? Joy. Pure joy. Not happiness over circumstances –mothering young children is no piece of cake, let’s just be honest. But a joy remains that only God can provide through an active an on-going relationship with Him. It is a joy that comes only by allowing Him to sanctify us through the practice of raising children.
Press on Lord Jesus. Bring it.
Amen my sister in Christ!! Thank you for being a Titus 2 woman to us all. Bring it Jesus!
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