My Adonai

"You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely." 

Psalm 139:1-4 (NIV)

I have been thinking a lot about why we pray. If God is just going to do whatever He wants anyway...if He is completely sovereign, then do my prayers really matter? I know that He commands us to pray.  I also know that this is a way to communicate with Him, but when I am in a season where I do not feel my prayers being answered, I question how important praying really is. Does prayer really change anything? If He already knows what I am going to ask, why do I need to ask?

"Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him."

Matthew 6:8 (NIV)

I ask my husband what I am supposed to pray for if God already knows what I need.  He is used to my almost child like questions and gives me that crooked eyebrow look and says "Sarah, prayer isn't your wish list." I snidely think "well I know...that's what Santa Clause is for, right?" But I do not say this out loud...afraid God doesn't have the same sense of humor that I do (although, I think since He created me, maybe He is funnier than I give Him credit). But doesn't He tell us to let our request be made known to Him? (Phillipians 4:6-7) 

I am constantly asking the childish "but why?" and my husband with his uncomplicated faith is always at peace with a simple "because He says so." But, I want to understand why it is so important that we pray.

The past two Sundays, I have heard our pastor briefly mention the name Adonai in reference to scripture in Isaiah 6. The sermon was not about the name, but that word has been at the forefront of my mind all week. Adonai is the original Hebrew word used in scripture that translates as a noun and means: My Lord, Master, Sovereign One. It is authoritative. It is acknowledgement that God is completely sovereign.

(A little fact: I read at home and discover that the original singular word is Adon and is used over 200 times in the Bible. However, when in reference to God it is used in plural form Adonai. Some scholars believe it was used this way to indicate the trinity.)

This week, I ponder when in my life have I felt closest to God through prayer and what made me feel close at that particular time. What made me feel that my prayers were heard? It did not take me long to think of this time in my life as it was a time not that long ago. Never have I spent more time in prayer than both when I was pregnant with the twins and after delivering them 12 weeks early. There is nothing like the fear of death of a child (or children in my case) to bring you to your knees. So,  what made that time different than other times of prayer?

I read through a few of my posts from that summer of 2010 in hopes of getting a glimpse into what was stirring in my heart and soul. These few sentences from August 9th (the entry was entitled "Before the Journey is Clear" ) clearly showed me why I felt such an intense presence of God at that time. I wrote:

I do not know what God's plan is for me and my beautiful babies. He may or may not allow my babies to be healthy and come home with me. Don't get me wrong...the thought of having my babies go to Heaven instead of my arms is completely unfathomable. I certainly beg God for His mercy on my grave situation. And yes, I sometimes feel despair and anger.

You see, during that grave time, I was in fact calling Him Adonai. I had recognized that my plan and desires may not be God's plan.  I had surrendered that I was powerless...that I was totally and completely dependent on Adonai. I was in complete and utter despair, but I knew His hands were involved in every detail.

And there is so much beauty and growth in surrender. Although God does not need our prayers, He is honored when we call upon Him. We are calling Him Adonai. We are bringing our requests before Him yet in a way that acknowledges He is completely sovereign.

And I believe it is in the recognition of this name that will completely change how and why we pray to our Adonai.

Our amazing, sovereign, compassionate, and loving Adonai