Doubting Thomas

 Now Thomas (Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, 'We have seen the Lord!!' But he said to them, 'Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.' A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said 'Peace be with you!' Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.' Thomas said to him, 'My Lord and my God!' Then Jesus told him, 'Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.' "

John 20:24-29

The mere existence of doubt that sneaks into my heart no doubt causes me much grief and anguish. You know how people ask "if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?" Some may say their height or weight, others their career choice or fortune...but me? I'd change my wayward heart. I understand what the Bible means about having faith like a child...I am jealous of those who do. I wish my faith was simple. But I question...yet, I continue to seek the answers even though I know that I will not know the answers to everything.

But is doubting a lack of faith or simply an expression of faith? I once read somewhere that the depth of our doubt is roughly proportionate to the depth of our faith. I sort of chuckle as I read those words because I immediately think "well that's good news for me!! My faith must be great then!"

The problem with doubt is that it is never satisfied. It is why we walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7-NAS translation) The actual Greek word for faith in this context is pistiß (Pistis) and it means to have conviction of the truth. When a jury convicts someone, it means they have been given enough evidence and have been strongly persuaded to believe something.

Thomas and I are dear friends. We both desired proof that Jesus was really who He said He was. I often feel people like Thomas (and myself) are misunderstood. Thomas wasn't out to disprove Jesus. No, He loved Jesus very much (read John 11:16-Thomas was willing to die with Him...now that's love!!!). If we are growing in our faith, we are going to have to stretch ourselves and continue to seek truth. This is where I believe that doubt can be so beneficial to our spiritual growth. A scary season, yes, but one that is sometimes necessary to become more intimate in our relationship with God. I could almost go as far to say that those who doubt are the ones are truly seeking to understand and know God.

It is a beautiful thing when we confess our doubts to God or our other fellow believers. In my own life, I have felt like when I felt like I confessed my doubts to God, He used that to bring me closer to Him. With so much new age thinking, such as universalism, that there really is no physical satan, or that Jesus was the son of God, but not actually God as preached in the trilogy...well,  it's no wonder many of us find ourselves almost in a state of anxiety as we search for truth. We hear the Calvinists, the Arminians, the Baptists, the Methodists, the Presbyterians, the Catholics...sometimes getting deep in theology can make your head spin.

Like doubting Thomas, I continue to trust in Jesus. Trusting Him to bring me through my doubts, trusting that His will is better than my own (I would certainly screw it all up anyway!), and trusting that He does in fact love me. So there are two cures for doubters: 1. Seek Him (read the Bible and pray) and/or 2. You must come to a place where you say, I'm just going to trust that this is true even if I don't completely understand it all...even if I have unanswered questions. Because like Thomas, I am completely in awe and love my Jesus. And through my seeking, He always draws me closer to His truth.

What are your doubts about Christianity? 

What troubles you the most?

Are you seeking Him during these times or allowing your heart to grow hardened?