He loves me, He loves me not

  "We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him."

1 John 4:16 (NAS)

You know spring has arrived when what was once a field of dormant grass, a sudden splash of color appears. Dandelions quickly pop up, and although technically they are weeds, my children adore them...especially my Ella. My pink azaleas appear, but disappear within a week. But those silly dandelions are here for the duration of summer.

"He loves me. He loves me." I hear her say as she plucks the "petals" off the dandelion. The game is called effeuiller la marguerite, which is French for pluck the daisy. And although I would love to take credit for instilling some culture into my children's lives, I am pretty sure she learned this from watching "The Little Mermaid."


"It's not he loves me, he loves me." I correct her. It's "He loves me. He loves me not. And then you keep repeating it until all the petals are gone."

"No. It's He loves me, He loves me." she says back to me. I shrug and partially roll my eyes knowing that arguing over a silly French nursery game with a three year old is futile. She continues to rip apart the dandelion while attempting arabesques around the lawn, only stopping to retrieve another dandelion.

I sit back in my chair and feel a sense of envy at her innocent heart. In her world, there really is nothing but love. The only malevolence she has ever experienced would perhaps be her brother stealing food off her plate at dinner time. But my heart has been damaged and is weary from previous wounds. Although God has been so incredibly merciful to our family, I still feel forsaken and angry when His timing does not perfectly align with my own.

This particular day I am angry because after over an entire year on the market, our house still has not sold. Now given current economic times, this should not be surprising. But, we have felt for years that God has wanted us to simplify our lives. We found the perfect piece of property in the perfect part of town and we just knew this was a sign that God was ready for us to proceed. So, we bought the lot and waited...knowing God would bless us for following His will. Surely we would be the exception and be one of those stories where our house sold the day after putting the sign in the front yard, right?

So, I am in one of my moods. Those moods where I say "you know what God? What is the point in praying about this? You are just going to do whatever you want and obviously don't care that we are trying to do...what we thought you wanted." In essence, I was flipping God a bird if you want me to be quite frank. I tend to get a little irritable with God now and then.

I hear the echos of her voice in my head. "He loves me. He loves me. He loves me."

I look at her twirling in her sundress. It is Spring time and the dandelions are out of control, but this is a season that will pass. Immediately I start singing the Byrd's song "To everything turn, turn, turn" in my head because I pretty much relate everything in life to a song (although one of my friends has specifically told me that life does not have background music...but, I disagree). And although I am pretty sure this is an anti war song, there is a Biblical reference to it: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven" Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NIV) So, I sit and ponder that verse for a moment.


Although the circumstances would make my human mind think that maybe this isn't God's plan, maybe that isn't it at all. Maybe part of God's plan is in the waiting. Maybe He is okay with being misunderstood because He sees the bigger picture...and while I wait, He is preparing something great.


So, I cling to the promise that everything He is doing is good...because He loves me. And I want to rush Him, but I don't want to screw up the goodness He has in store. So, while I wait, I will stop wavering back and forth like the effeuiller la marguerite game. No, I think I will adapt Ella's version and dance with a smile and just continually remind myself "He loves me. He loves me. He loves me."